Jesus Spit - The Essay
by
Minotaur

My senior year in high school was one of my favorite years. Everyone seemed so laid back, the school work was fairly easy, and we were all in good spirits due to the fact that we would be graduating that May.

One of the highlights of the year was when our church's youth group, which most of my best friends and I were apart of, attended the National Catholic Youth Conference in Kansas City. We took a bus from Tyler, left at about ten p.m. on a Wednesday and traveled all night to Missouri.

All of us stayed up late on that bus trip and a few of us, myself included, decided it would be a good idea to not sleep at all that night. My main motivation was to see one of the world's largest McDonald's that crosses over the highway in Oklahoma. And I'm pretty sure I remember someone putting on "Far and Away" on the bus' VCR, which was very hard to stay awake through, but alas, I prevailed. By the time we got to Kansas City the next morning, I had been awake for about 28 hours straight.

We stopped and got some breakfast and then headed over to our hotel. This was probably the worse place that I have ever spent a night in my life. Thankfully our room was decent, compared to the stories from some friends of finding used condoms and worse under the beds.

After moving in, my friends Matt, Chad and I stood along the upstairs walkway outside our room. We talked, joked and checked out some of the girls from other churches staying at our hotel. The whole time we stood out there, I was eating from one of those one pound value bags of Skittles, and if you know Skittles, then you are aware of the large amount of thick spit one can build up while eating them. The amount of liquid in my mouth quickly went from the level of not being able to talk to the disgusting level of not being able to open my mouth. Holding all of this spit in for so long in my mouth had made it quite warm and let me tell you, there is nothing I like worse than swallowing warm, thick goo. I leaned over the railing and it poured from my mouth. It made a long string from my mouth to the pavement two stories below, until it eventually formed a puddle on the parking lot below.

I looked at the puddle. It was probably one of the most disgusting sites I have ever seen in my life. Then I took a closer look, it looked like a face and I pointed this out to my friends, to which Matt brought up the fact that it looked like Jesus. I had to take another look and sure enough, it looked like what I always imagined Him to look like. This puddle of spit was no longer something disgusting, but something beautiful. No longer was it just "Skittle Spit", no, it was now "Jesus Spit". This was surely a sign of some sort, since after all, we were attending a religious event.

We stood on that walkway and stared in silence as we pointed at what was to be the next Shroud of Turin or at least the next Fatima. I had visions in my mind of people from all over the world making pilgrimages for years to come to see the wondrous site that my mouth and my Skittles had begat. Our friend Jimmy walked up and saw us pointing and then looked down at what it was that we were pointing at, but he only saw a puddle and proceeded to step on the face of our Lord.

We were crushed. I felt much as I imagined the Apostles felt that day on Golgotha as they watched as their friend and teacher was nailed to a cross and hoisted up among thieves. Jimmy, Jimmy, why have you forsaken me?

To this day, I am convinced that Jimmy is going to Hell for his action. Unless of course, it wasn't an apparition of our savior after all, but instead, just a mass hallucination induced by sleep deprivation. If that's the case, then maybe it is Matt, Chad and I that are going to Hell for confusing Jesus with a puddle of Skittle Spit.