Archives 'Web'

13 May

The world is full of creepy people, such as Michael Jackson, Gary Busey and that cigarette-smoking soldier chick that makes gun signs at naked Iraqis. Just yesterday I blogged about two creepy people that I work with. But what is it that actually defines whether or not someone is creepy? I think, in general, it’s a certain indescribable aspect to someone’s character or being that just makes them unsettling. What the faux-pretentious would call “je ne sais quoi”, the use of which is creepy in its own special way. Using that phrase is like saying “Oh look how fucking important I am…I can speak one line of French. But if someone said to me “Vous odeur des parties génitales de la femelle un elk”, I’d have no fucking clue what they said to me.

But back to creepiness and defining it. Like I said, it’s something that’s indescribably unsettling. I think the best way to decide if someone is creepy is their “shudder factor”. Simply said, if looking at or hearing someone causes you to shudder, then they are creepy.

What really bothers me is when a company uses someone creepy to peddle their wares. Like I want to buy your crappy product if it’s going to make me as creepy as the people in your ads. One good example of this is the ad that popped up on Yahoo! this morning for Vonage:

That guy is probably one of the creepiest people I’ve seen all week. And trust me, I work with two of the creepiest people on Earth, so I know creepy.

30 March

(o)(o) – normal
(.)(.) – small
(@)(@) – large
(o Y o)- schoolboy’s fantasy
(*)(*) – erect
(^)(^) – perky
(o)(Q) – pierced
(x)(x) – sore
(.)(:) – superfluous
{.}{.} – victorian filigree
( )( ) – shy

12 March

Janet Jackson shows some nip and the next thing you know, people are all up in arms over the content of the media. Howard Stern is on the verge of losing his show, Russ Martin here in Dallas is constantly forced to tone down some of his show’s more interesting parts. Luckily, the FCC has no power over content of websites, so I can happily say the following:

Fuck. Shit, Cunt. Asshole. Motherfucker. Monkey-flavored dildos shoved into tight holes. Dick lint. Frottage.

And not worry about it. However, over in reality, the FCC is trying to abridge freedom of speech. I have no problem with CBS or ABC or NBC or any other corporation censoring their own content, as that’s in no way a violation of First Amendment rights, which simply says it’s only unconstitutional for Congress to enact any laws impeding the freedom of speech. And if the FCC gets their way, Congress may indeed attempt to enact such laws. Bastards. At any rate, go here and sign the petition. Please. I happen to like seeing Janet Jackson’s nipples on national TV.

28 October

I thought I’d just throw some more weird search terms up that I got from our site logs. I’m incredibly lazy.

Weird Search Terms That Led People to SSW – Volume III

– “first time at a strip club”
– ellie mae clampet
– Dallas crematoriums
– asian bukkake gallery
– dimpled asses
– 3D porno
– crime car chains lock turned around note “urban legend”
– bafta unimportant
– Exposed Bra Pictures
– “Thomas Crown” +”parting gift”
– ” lame haunted house”
– “people killing kids”
– truck flap girl thelma
– “shirt’s on fire” “now it’s out”
– a scene from little seamstress and describe how you would film it?
– clip lingerie porn
– gay “rockwall, Texas”
– red wheel barrow william carlos williams i death
– How many adult diaper wearers are there?
– bobe’s bitch
– women looking at porn
– dogkind
– “to school naked”
– pure gold night club lap dancing lexington ky
– fake gold chains
– Baghdad red light district
– how do you know something is wrong in the relationship
– pixelated image directv
– “white trash adventures”
– “gay wasps”
– 3d porn stereo -cartoon

28 July

Friendster – What’s Up With That?

So Friendster has got to be the stupidest idea for a website since and possibly this site. So we list our favorite books, movies and bands along with some stupid pictures of ourselves from 5 years ago before we ate all that cheesecake for breakfast those summers we worked at that bakery. OK, so maybe that’s just me. But why do we do this? So that our friends can write testimonials and tell us how great we are. Is our self esteem that low? Probably.

And perhaps maybe we’ll meet some new people like some guy that works for Nintendo that looks like a mix between Dave Matthews and Jeremy Piven. What’s wrong with meeting new people? But I digress. Don’t our friends already know what our favorite movies and bands are? Don’t our friends know what we looked like before the cheesecake made us fat? And aren’t they our friends even though we ate all that cheesecake and maybe now we smoke and we wouldn’t be able to run two blocks without having to stop for a breather and we probably drink a lot more these days. OK, so maybe your situation is a little bit different than mine, but you see my point.

Maybe it’s our competitive spirit. I found myself asking a friendster of mine the other day how many friends she had and yes, it was because I wanted to know if I had more than her. Of course, then I see friends of mine that have like 45 friends. I thought that was a lot, until I looked at their lists of friends. One of my friends has Audrey Hepburn as his friendster. She’s dead and besides, if anyone should be her friend, it’s me. Another one of my friends has the Swiffer Sweeper as her friend. An inanimate object that lists The Dust Brothers as its favorite music, ludicrous. I am anti-fake friendsters.

All I have done here is gripe about stupid Friendster is, but believe me, I love it. I don’t know why, I just do. I love seeing those emails that someone has added me as their friend or that I have a new testimonial. Such a stupid site, but I seem to have an affection for stupid sites, seeing as how I write for this one and spend at least an hour a week on Friendster – Shit yeah, its cool.

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