Archives 'Stupid People'

22 April

I made the somewhat dubious mistake of going to McDonalds for lunch yesterday.  I went with a friend from work because he was craving it and I had forgotten to bring my lunch from home.  My bad.

So we’re sitting there, me eating my grilled chicken sandwich and my friend eating his nuggets or whatever when out of nowhere this crackwhore sidles up to our table and sits down.

(not the actual crackwhore we encountered, but pretty damn close)
I just look at her like “what the fuck?”.

“Excuse me?” I say, frightened and confused.

“Can I get fitty cents?” asked the crackwhore.

“No, go away,” I replied, disgusted by this poor example of humanity.

“But I just wants a Coke”, retorted the crackwhore.

“No.  Go away,” I repeated, “Go away.”

“Mang, fuck you,” she said, getting up and sauntering over to another patron to bother.

Seriously, what the fuck?

5 January

My name is Rifleman and I am an addict.

There, I said it.  I finally admitted that I have a substance “use” problem (I’m not quite ready to admit that it’s “abuse” even though I have to do it at least twice a day).

Some people, to paraphrase the late Bradley Nowell (and, ultimately, Michael and Chris Kay of The Toyes), smoke two joints in the morning and smoke two joints in the evening and may even smoke a couple in the afternoon to make them feel all right.  I, on the other hand, drink a cup of coffee in the morning, drink a cup in the evening and occasionally even have one in the afternoon to make me feel alert and jittery.

The funny thing is, I didn’t learn this from watching my parents–they didn’t drink coffee.  I didn’t start until a couple of years into college.  And even then, I couldn’t stand straight coffee…I was a wuss and had to have it flavored.  So Sweet Eugene’s in College Station got a lot of my hard-earned (or given to me by the government thanks to education grants) cash for delicious Snickers lattes (which, upon my last visit to College Station, were not nearly as tasty as I remembered).

So, almost every morning, I get up, get dressed and head out to work, with a stop at Dunkin’ Donuts (so much better than the swill that Starbucks calls coffee) for a cuppa.

And, without fail, I get there almost every day after this guy and his two kids.  And these are the most indecisive fucks ever.

They always order a dozen donuts to split amongst themselves (dad’s totally setting up his kids for a life of obesity) and three drinks (do your school-aged kids really need coffee?).

But the thing is, they can never decide what types of donuts to get.  They go through all the permutations, exasperating the guy behind the counter.  And me.  And everyone else in line.

Five minutes.  I timed it.  That’s how long it took them this morning to decide what kind of sugary fried bread to get.


We’re in a hurry, back here.  Gotta get to work.  Get the day started.  Need caffeine to live.  Settle on a selection of donuts and get it every day.  Don’t let your kids hem and haw…you’re their dad..put your foot down and say “We’re getting a dozen glazed, you little shits”.

Some of us have addictions to feed.

28 December

Just walked into the 2nd floor restroom at my office building to witness one of the Spaniards that work in the commissary finish peeing then NOT wash his hands before returning to work. Lesson to take away: don’t eat at the Summit Cafe in the Sterling Commerce Building unless you love urine-infused food.

Just sayin’. That’s all.

22 September

From the Mexican lady working the cash register:

“Would you like to balue size it?”
“with one-thousand Iceland dressing?”

From some random white trash person waiting in line and wearing scrubs:

“whenever I come to Dallas, I always get Chicken-flay”

8 June

…if I’m trying to back out of a parking space, you probably shouldn’t stand behind my car chit-chatting. Such things make Rifleman angry. I’m talking to you, ladies in the Las Colinas Chick-Fil-A parking lot.

7 August

Does pollution cause rainbows?  Apparently so, at least according to the dumbest woman in the world.  In this video, listen to this whorebag explain how we never used to see rainbows near the ground, only around the sun and the moon.  Watch as she wonders what could be in our water and air to cause rainbows.  Laugh at her moronic stupidity.   Mock her grammar and spelling mistakes.

5 August

…if you haven’t heard from her in a while, maybe you shouldn’t have put her in your will, retard.

Where is my future bride? – m4w – 37 (S. Broadway Tyler)

Date: 2008-08-04, 8:59PM CDT

Dated a girl for a little while and haven’t heard from her lately. If you know where Terri K. is, please let me know. She’s very special to me (in fact, I wrote her into my will)

31 July

With annoyingly-stupid slow-mo!

28 July

"I think we're dead."

27 July

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