Dirk Nowitzki is one scary-looking motherfucker.
This image was in the Dallas Morning News on 5.2.07 and captioned:
“Dirk Nowitzki and Jason Terry celebrate a second-half basket”
If that’s how Dirk looks when he’s celebrating, I really don’t want to be around him when he’s angry. In fact, I’m pretty sure he’s angry in this picture and that the caption would’ve probably been more accurate if it just said “Dirk Smash!”.
Some of you may remember FITB–the lame Fill-in-the-Blanks game on the now-dead Prodigy online service. Today, SSW presents David Beckham FITB. Our story so far: It seems David Beckham, who plays soccer, or “football”, for Real Madrid (but, strangely, won’t ride their trains) and former mid-fielder for Manchester United, has been caught cheating on his wife, Posh Spice (aka Victoria Adams) with his personal assistant, Rebecca Loos (or is that “Loose”?). Apparently, Beckham and Loos were exchanging SMS messages via cellphone discussing and talking about their “activities”. Several papers have run a couple of their exchanges, but have redacted the juicier words. For today’s game, fill in the blanks in the following (feel free to send in your answers to firstname.lastname@example.org. We’ll post our best guesses in a few days):
On March 10, hours before he played in the Champions League clash with Bayern Munich, it is claimed that Beckham, said to be alone in his hotel – texted Miss Loss.
Here are the messages they exchanged:
David Beckham: When u start your job? (Miss Loos left SFX in November)
Rebecca Loos: Sign contract next week. Can’t stop smiling jumping around
DB: Happy for you.If you have any jumping around to do come here
DB: At the hotel?
DB: Same one as last time – but a lot of press today mightnot be a good idea. Maybe next time
RL: OK will stop jumping and save it for when I see you and just keep smiling till then
DB: OK you need to save all that energy for ____.
RL: Is it ____?
DB: Very, very ____, thinking of your ____ and the ____.
RL: Remember the last time. I have never ____ so hard
DB: Now I am doing something, think about your ____.
RL: ____ your ____.
DB: Can’t wait for that. When can we do this and where?
RL: It’s difficult. You know best. Me always free.
DB: OK we have to try
RL: U made me so horny the other day had nightmare trying to focus. U playing tonight?
DB: Playing tonight. Glad I can still do that to you
RL: That and so much more
DB: What u doing now?
RL: Waiting for more, enjoying every second
DB: Shame I can’t hear and see that. Would be nice to join in
RL: You can join in any time you want and any way u want
DB: Where are u, in your bedroom?
RL: Yes am home alone
DB: Can just imagine how ____ ____ ____ u are
RL: U should see me, naked with only a white cotton G-string
DB: Love the sound of that cotton
RL: Call me then you’ll hear the real sound
It is claimed that Beckham rings then quickly hangs up after laughing on the line
RL: Did you hang up or was that me? Was just about to get started!
DB: Someone can in my room. ____ I was looking forward to that. Have u any of my stuff that you need to bring round
RL: What sort of stuff? Why uat hotel? What do u need?
DB: Any stuff u need to bring to the house one night. I am away right now. Just lay back and think of what I done to
you and ____ ____ ____
RL: Sorry for delay but just ____ so ____ and ____. Am sure I can find something to give u. R u still same house?
DB: Yes. And I’m sure u have something to give me
RL: Well just think about it and when safe etc let me know…just u and me in the dark alone…well candlelit dark.
DB: Not a problem, we will have fun
RL: It was nice to hear u laugh. When I see u I want to hear you groan and moan. I can’t wait
DB: Don;t worry, you will and I want to hear you scream
Late-breaking news-SSW Exclusive!
It has just been learned that Rebecca Loos’ cell phone is a Nokia 6600 with a built-in digital camera. Sources have supplied SSW with a picture taken with said phone by Ms. Loos that she apparently snapped just as David Beckham prepared to perform oral sex upon her:
Hockey season has begun and you know what that means. Yeah, I don’t either, but I do know that hockey kicks some serious ass. And I’m going to tell you why.
- Hockey players are complete bad asses. They endure the longest season of the roughest professional sport and receive some of the lowest salaries in return. Not only that, but there are several players in the league approaching or in their 40’s. You will be more than halfway towards sitting in a wheelchair, drooling all over yourself at that age.
- It’s nothing like baseball. Baseball doesn’t even come close to hockey. The only way baseball could rival hockey is if you increased a baseball’s weight, froze it and had the pitcher hurl it at 100 miles an hour while the batter tries to get in its way. At least then you might have baseball players with real injuries (maybe a few missing teeth too).
- It has fighting. Sure, football is rough and a lot of people get really injured (i.e. Joe Theisman) but when the players start fighting it looks like two girls slapping at each other. Not only that, but they have more pads underneath their clothes than your incontinent grandmother, so how are they going to hurt each other? Hockey players immediately undress before they fight, just so they can inflict more damage. Oh yeah, and the refs don’t stop them until their finished knocking teeth out each others skulls. As a side note, in the first game of the season Dallas Star Bill Guerin and Anaheim Mighty Duck Todd Simpson got into a fight 20 seconds into the first period.
- The players are role models. Hockey players are pretty stand-up people. You don’t hear about them getting busted for raping women while they do blow and shoot their limo driver in the head. The NBA is full of these types (need I list them). I think there are probably more role models (percentage-wise) in prison than in the NBA.
- Satan plays hockey. ‘Nuff said.
- The hockey post-season rocks. Granted the basketball and baseball post-seasons are more watchable than their regular seasons, but they whimper and wet their pants compared to the hockey post season. Two months of best-of-seven series with players competing for a trophy they would kill their own mothers to get their hands on (if they weren’t such role models), you can’t beat that.
- Hockey has white people. Albeit, they are Canadiens, I don’t mind watching them beat each others heads in.
Enjoy the season.