Archives 'Food'

22 September

From the Mexican lady working the cash register:

“Would you like to balue size it?”
“with one-thousand Iceland dressing?”

From some random white trash person waiting in line and wearing scrubs:

“whenever I come to Dallas, I always get Chicken-flay”

24 February

Drank is a “extreme relaxation drink” (as opposed to an energy drink) aimed at the African-American market segment. Their tagline is “Slow Your Roll”. It’s can is ergonomically-designed to fit the cupholders of mid-Eighties American sedans with giant wheels and bad upholstery.

30 July

Watch as this guy on the Today show basically tells Kathie Lee to shut the fuck up (which is totally understandable), then uncomfortably tries to dig himself out of the hole he’s created.

30 July

you have to know, I love anthony bourdain with a great passion. I love that he worships pork, the meat of kings. he loves booze. his did quit smoking and get married AND have a child, which kind of breaks my heart…but it happens.

I love the man, but eek.

23 July

I’ve written about the dumb blonde at Chick-Fil-A before, but I recently had another encounter with her that merited sharing with you, our readers.

Ever since the last time I encountered her, I’ve gone out of my way to avoid being served by her, but, alas, I haven’t always been successful. The last few times I was served by her, she asked me “How much ice would you like?” in my large Coke.

For some reason, probably because of my previous annoyance at her, I find this irksome. I would always reply “the normal amount”. I’ve never had a fast food clerk ask me how much ice I wanted.

Finally, the last time I was there, this played out.

“How much ice would you like?” she asked.
“Twenty-seven”, I replied.
“Huh?” she asked, dumbfounded.
“Twenty-seven pieces,” I replied.
“No,” she countered, “I mean ‘a lot or a little’.”
“Oh,” I replied, “well, you asked me how much I wanted and I want 27 pieces.”

So she started counting. I watched. And, amazingly, she was smart enough to count that high. She sighed as she handed me my drink. I replied with a smug smile.

I’m such an asshole sometimes.

16 July

Here’s some spam I just got:

From: Geerdes []

Subject: White House terrorist plans foiled

Tasty come is very important to women, enhance its flavor here,
[Redacted URL]

You know, I don’t really give a fuck if it’s tasty or not.  Also, I doubt its taste is “very important” to women.

8 July

Check out these new Cattlemen’s Beef Board and National Cattlemen’s Beef Association radio spots that Matthew McConaughey has recorded…they’re incredibly creepy-sounding for some reason.

Gone Eatin’


The way he say’s “Good Eatin'” in the first and keeps repeating the word “protein” throughout both are what really bother me.  Also, he’s no Sam Elliot.

Originals here.

1 July

or, International House of Nightmare Fuel.  This 1969 IHOP spot shows that LSD was being heavily used by Madison Avenue creatives at the time.

30 June

You’re going to have to trust me on this one, but this is some delicious horsemeat-flavored ice cream.

27 June

What is up with me and ‘Shank getting bad service? It never fails…95% of the times we go out to eat anywhere, we get bad service.  Wednesday night was no exception, except we worked it to our advantage.

We’d been out to Fry’s and Central Market and were feelin’ a bit peckish, so we decided we’d stop by Posado’s in Frisco for some Mexican eating. It was maybe a bit of an omen when we arrived and the Frisco FD was there putting out a dumpster fire, but we soldiered on. A second bad omen was when there wasn’t a hostess to greet us and we waited like five minutes for a table.

She seated us in a section that had no other customers, which immediately meant we’d be forgotten about. And sure enough, no waiter appeared. And when two finally did wander into our section, they stood around bullshitting and ignoring us. WTF?

“You wanna go elsewhere?” I finally asked.

“Sure,” replied ‘Shank.

So we got up and I decided to find the manager. After another waiter hunted him down, I explained that we’d waited for like ten minutes to be helped while a couple of waiters just ignored us and we’d be leaving.

“Sorry about that, guys,” he replied, “we’ve had a bit of excitement out back.”

Which didn’t explain why the waiters up front ignored us.

“Sit back down and we’ll take care of your meals,” he offered.

We couldn’t refuse. Free food = awesomeness.

Our waiter, aware that we were angered, actually gave us decent service.

So, in this case, our bad service experience was rectified. Maybe that Buffalo Wild Wings manager that offered us a free dessert on the next visit should take note. Or just go to hell.

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