Stanley "Tookie" Williams was executed in California today, having not been granted the clemency that so many expected Governor Schwarzenegger to give in his final hours, sparing him from the spectre of death. Many observers expected Schwarzenegger to grant him clemency as Williams had become a death penalty cause-celebre, with vocal opponents to his sentence crying out that Williams, despite being a murderer and founder of the Crips, had become a changed man in prison and deserved for his life to be spared.
Schwarzenegger denied him his life. Bravo.
But why did Schwarzenegger do so? Sparing Williams' life would've shored up his support on the left, something that is very important in liberal California. I'll tell you why he let Williams die.
I started doing some serious research last night, delving into the back stories of both Schwarzenegger and Williams. After hours of combing through public records, private testimonials and a couple of games of Tetris, I came across some startling information. As a serious journalist for a serious hardcore news website like SSW, I am obligated to share this information with the public, though I warn that my life might be in danger once this information is out in the public.
First, quick rundown of Williams' life story. Born December 29, 1953 in New Orleans, Williams grew up in South Central LA. In 1971, Williams, along with Raymond "Truck" Washington, formed the Crips with the intention--surprisingly--of keeping the streets safe by reducing violence and police brutality. Unfortunately, as they often do, good intentions soured and by the late Seventies, the Crips had disintegrated into a thug-ridden street gang. In 1979, Williams was convicted of the murders of Albert Owens, Tsai-Shai Yang, Yen-I Yang and Yee Chen Lin, which were committed during two separate robberies. While in prison for the last quarter-century, Williams has transformed himself from a thug into a noted advocate of non-violent gang-alternatives as well as a childrens' author (yeah, that's fucked up), as well as a Nobel Peace Prize nominee. Unfortunately for him and his supporters, just because you say that violence is bad and that gangs aren't a great idea and you wrote some kids' books doesn't erase the fact that you killed four people. So, on December 13, 2005, despite public outcry, Williams was put to death.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was supposedly born in 1947 in Austria. In the 1968, he supposedly immigrated to the United States, where he made a name for himself as a bodybuilder and as a Mr. Universe title holder. In the early Eighties, he broke into acting, which led to a career as the megastar of such movies as Conan the Barbarian
, Kindergarten Cop
and True Lies
. In 1986, he married journalist Maria Shriver. In 2003, he became governor of California after Gray Davis was recalled in a special election.
Those are what the general public believes to be the facts. The general public is mistaken.
The truth is complicated, however. But I'll strive to tell it in a clear, concise and accurate way. First off, Arnold Schwarzenegger was not born in 1947. He is actually from the future. In his timeline, he was created on August 19, 2019 as a Cyberdyne Systems Series 800-850 Model 101 Terminator Robot. In this timeline, Gray Davis was never recalled as governor in 2003 and in fact remained in power until 2006, when he was murdered by Reginald "Juice" Newton, a member of the Bloods. In this alternate timeline, Davis had bowed under outside pressure and had granted Tookie Williams clemency from the death penalty. Three days after his schedule execution, an army of Crips gangmembers descended on California's Death Row, breaking Williams out of prison and spiriting him off to their secret Long Beach lair, where he regained his title as leader of the Crips. He was ready to exact his revenge on a society that had kept him locked up for 25 years, so he set about to create the ultimate Crip, genetically engineering super strong, super tough, moderately intelligent gang members. Hearing word of this, the Bloods embarked on their own campaign of genetic engineering. They also exacted their revenge on Gray Davis for allow Williams to live by assassinating him as he rode the Magic Teacup Ride at Anaheim's Disneyland with his grand-daughter.
The arms race between the Crips and the Bloods continued. Genetically-engineered super-bangers, as they were called, roamed the streets of America, resistant to bullets, pepperspray and Tasers, armed with Chinese-made weapons procured through connections in the Middle East. Violence spilled over into everyday citizens' lives--the murder rate skyrocketed. Soon gang skirmishes turned into battles which eventually turned into war. The Crips and Bloods both eventually obtained Russian-built tanks and helicopters. LA became a wasteland. The war spread. Vegas fell. Seattle. Detroit. Dallas. Houston. Eventually, the Bloods obtained a cache of Soviet "suitcase" bombs and used them to level Chicago, New York, Washington and Philadelphia. The US military was powerless to stop them as most troops were deployed overseas. The National Guard was childs play to them. The Canadian Forces tried to move in to help, but they were too, well, "Canadian" and didn't put up much of a fight. Mexicans rushed across the border to take advantage of the situation. Most of America burned. Everyday citizens, unable to rely on their own government, formed militias, holing up in the mountains and deserts, working together as a resistance movement. Most people fled to Canada, which had fortified the border with a modern-day Maginot Line. It kept most of the violence to the south.
A solution to the problem had to be found. Finally, a young American working with the Resistance named John Connor came up with the idea of sending a robot back in time to ensure that Tookie Williams was executed by California, which would ensure that the super-bangers were never created and would alter the timeline. A robot built by Cyberdyne Systems of Hamilton, Ontario was procured and the experimental Time Transport System at the University of Western Ontario in London was used to send the robot back in time to 1968, armed only with an Austrian passport and a mission to become popular enough with the people of California to be elected governor and ensure that Williams would die.
That mission was fulfilled this morning. We, as Americans, can breathe a sigh of relief that we only face a future of violence from "regular" gang members and not the spectre of an army of genetically-engineered super gangstas destroying our way of life, rather than just making it inconvenient.