SomethingSoWrong
Funniness Negates Wrongness
Friday, September 16, 2005
Notes on the Presidency
On Wednesday, a minor stir was created when Reuters published this photo of a note written by President Bush to Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice asking about the proper protocol for excusing one's self to go to the men's room at the UN.



This caused us at SSW to wonder if there were other notes such as this that would give us an interesting insight into the inner-workings of the presidency. After all, the president must attend hundreds of meetings a year, so there must be a myriad of notes such as this.

We contacted our ace legal team and had them start firing off Freedom of Information Requests. A few hours later, notes started trickling in. Here are a few choice ones:



Cabinet Meeting, May 13, 2001



Meeting between President Bush, Secretary of State Colin Powell and Governor-General of Canada Adrienne Clarkson, February 25, 2003



Meeting between the President, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and the Joint Chiefs of Staff, April 23, 2003



Cabinet Meeting, August 14, 2004




Note left on Secretary of State Rice's desk, July 17, 2005
Thursday, September 15, 2005
The Life
Don't you just fucking hate it when you sit down to hammer out some content for your blog and you can't think of anything to say? I hate it almost as much as I hate Cockneys.

Of course, I didn't start hating Cockneys until yesterday, but already the hatred has grown in me, festering like a infected toenail.

And what caused me to hate Cockneys? I work with one. And he's annoying. And not just because he's says things like "Corr!" and "Blimey" and "Guvnah", but because he's always into other peoples' shit. Telling us how to do our jobs better, even though he's a clueless limey bastard.

He's starting to sour me on all of the English. Which is making it hard to listen to Radio 1 in the mornings and evenings whilst commuting. Also, how the hell am I supposed to run away and start a new life in London when I don't like the English?

But I digress.

Truth be known, I haven't had anything really wrong happen to me in a while. At least not wrong enough to blog about.

I went and saw "Nine Songs" with 'Shank last week. That was interesting. Basically a concert film featuring groups like Franz Ferdinand, the Von Bondies and Black Rebel Motorcycle Club with some hardcore sex thrown in. It approached that line the separates artistic erotica from hardcore porn, but didn't cross it. The most notable event at the theatre that night was when the Jewish guy working the box office said, as we purchased our tickets, that the characters in the movie "schtup like rabbits".

I've finally broken down and starting writing a new book. I like writing...it's relaxing and it allows me to create my own closure for things that weren't given proper send-offs. I'm still editing/rewriting/fixing Moaner, but I needed something new to do. Besides, reading Moaner kind of depresses me now.

Oktoberfest starts this weekend in Munich (Munchy if you can't pronounce München). We're celebrating it at the Ginger Man on Saturday, so hopefully that will provide some content or something. Or maybe not.

Bah.

I hate it when I'm not creative.

On a side note, there was a repo man chasing a black woman through our office today...she was apparently several months delinquent on her car payments. Watching them run around, I kept waiting for that wacky music from the Benny Hill Show to start playing. You know...that music that always played whenever he'd chase the scantily-clad, nubile women with the feathered hair.

Alas, it didn't play. And both the repo man (who bore no resemblance to either Emilio Estevez or Harry Dean Stanton) and the black woman (whose name I do not know) eventually disappeared.

Speaking of Emilio Estevez, whatever happened to him? The last thing I vaguely remember him being in was one of those stupid Might Ducks movies. And whatever happened to Joe Pesci? Used to be you could go a month without one of his movies coming out. The last thing he was in was Lethal Weapon 4...did he die or something? I think we would've heard if he had. The world would be a better place with another Joe Pesci movie.

Or probably not.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Motorcycle Humor





Top Ten Reasons Why Harley Riders Don't Wave Back
10. - Afraid it will invalidate warranty.
9. - Leather and studs make it too hard to raise arm.
8. - Refuses to wave to anyone whose bike is already paid for.
7. - Afraid to let go of the handlebars because they might
vibrate off.
6. - Rushing wind would blow scabs off the new tattoos.
5. - Angry because just took out second mortgage to pay luxury
tax on new Harley.
4. - Just discovered the fine print in owner's manual and
realized H-D is partially owned by those rice-burner manufacturers.
3. - Can't tell if other riders are waving or just reaching to
cover their ears like everyone else.
2. - Remembers the last time a Harley rider waved back, he
impaled his hand on spiked helmet.
1. - They're jealous that after spending $20,000, they still
don't own a Gold Wing.


Top Ten Reasons Why Gold Wing Riders Don't Wave Back
10. - Wasn't sure whether other rider was waving or making an obscene gesture.
9. - Afraid might get frostbite if hand is removed from heated grip.
8. - Has arthritis and the past 400 miles have made it difficult to raise arm.
7. - Reflection from etched windshield momentarily blinded him.
6. - The expresso machine just finished.
5. - Was actually asleep when other rider waved.
4. - Was in a three-way conference call with stock broker and accessories dealer.
3. - Was distracted by odd shaped blip on radar screen.
2. - Was simultaneously adjusting the air suspension, seat height, programmable CD player, seat temperature and satellite navigation system.
1. - Couldn't find the "auto wave back" button on the dashboard.