Funniness Negates Wrongness
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
Welcome Back, Rifleman
Greetings my sweat hogs. It has been far too long since I graced this stage with a blog of bloggy blogness. It has been a wonderful sabbatical (from the Hebrew Shabbaath, meaning "period of laziness") and I have learned many things during my travels, such as the fact that Cracker Barrel has wonderfully tasty pancakes and that I can still consume the same prodigious amounts of alcohol that I did in college and still function as a somewhat-normal human being the next day.

I arrived at work today at my usual time--somewhere around 9:30 or so and immediately logged into the Internet to do a little surfing. My boss, stricken with his own laziness, had taken the day off, so it pretty much made today a holiday for me as well. And what does one do at work on days when they have little responsibility and even less motivation? They surf the web. I checked the SSW Forums, disappointed that no one had post anything overnight. And since I'm pretty much the only one blogging anymore (lazy fucking bastards), I knew that hadn't been updated. So then I checked the site logs to see how many people had stopped by overnight and how they found us. Besides the usual referrals from people searching for "extreme asian bukakke" and "nigger knocking", there was one particularly odd one: women looking for guys in wheelchairs to have sex in texas.

"Huh", I thought to myself. Is this a weird fetish or a desperate plea for some poon by a poor wheelchair-bound guy? While I don't deny that it's every person's--handicapped or handi-capable or differently-abled or gimp or whatever they're calling themselves these days--right to desire some lovin', I personally don't think it's fair that some wheelchair-bound guy is taking away women with "poon-tential" from me. I mean, I wouldn't care if he was looking in Kansas or Alabama or any of the other states and various Canadian provinces, I don't live there. I live in Texas--where the men walk tall and stand proud--things that this guy obviously can't do.

But then I started thinking about it. How would I feel in this person's position? It's probably a lot harder to get laid if you're confined to a wheelchair. And it's hard enough with a couple of fully-working legs. And besides, it's obvious that any woman who'd advertise themselves as "looking for guys in wheelchairs" must have a weird fetish and probably incapable of genuine attraction, so these wouldn't be women I'd want anything to do with, unless I were in fact a crippled guy who couldn't get laid otherwise, though I think there's probably a lot of crippled guys out there that do just fine without resorting to finding women with fetishes.

That said, I need to get going. It's going to be a full day. Oh, and remember, ladies, I can do it standing up.