SomethingSoWrong

From the Mexican lady working the cash register:

“Would you like to balue size it?”
“with one-thousand Iceland dressing?”

From some random white trash person waiting in line and wearing scrubs:

“whenever I come to Dallas, I always get Chicken-flay”

Does pollution cause rainbows?  Apparently so, at least according to the dumbest woman in the world.  In this video, listen to this whorebag explain how we never used to see rainbows near the ground, only around the sun and the moon.  Watch as she wonders what could be in our water and air to cause rainbows.  Laugh at her moronic stupidity.   Mock her grammar and spelling mistakes.

kroger – “staff 7″ – m4m (henderson)

your shirt said “staff”, your face said “hairy”… so how ’bout sliding your hairy staff down my throat. ID yourself with the color of the shirt.

[Insert your own vaguely racist remark here]

iso throat (kilg hend nac)

poz load for your slimy cunt throat. you’re done when i’m done: your gagging or puking on my PA doesn’t imply that i’m done. ability to swallow liquids quickly will help prevent your smelling like piss on the drive home.

if you’re sending an email asking a bunch of questions, or any questions for that matter, please make sure you send equivalent info about yourself.

flag on, dipshit; when my dick isn’t getting sucked from the ad, i’ll stop reposting. and only then.

Some great spelling in this craigslist ad…

woman at convience store loop 281 and acess road (Near Longview)

you were on a kawa motorcycle with a blue top on i had the yellow Harley you started to show me your titties as on my sign. Contact me i still would like to see them. hope you see this

• Location: Near Longview

a sense of very sick pleasure is derived from the www.craigslist.com personals.

missed connections, casual encounters, what have you…it’s some good, clean fun. here are links to some of my recent favorites:

http://easttexas.craigslist.org/mis/709000636.html

I’m really turned on by a man who loves the sound of his own voice also; the tight shorts don’t hurt either.

http://easttexas.craigslist.org/msr/713195499.html

I’m usually looking for a man who has a Car job.

http://easttexas.craigslist.org/mis/723873990.html

p.s. – isn’t that what you want?

http://easttexas.craigslist.org/mis/692199125.html

well trained. that’s a relief.

I had a David Cross moment¹ yesterday.

I’d gone on a long drive, as I tend to do some weekends in order to take photos for my photoblog, LeftyRodriguez.Com, and found myself in the town of Bonham, Texas, which is northeast of Dallas close to the border with Oklahoma (or Texas’ Canada). I felt a bit peckish, but the fast food restaurants I could find were Subway (ugh…) and McDonald’s. Throwing caution to the wind, I settled on McDonald’s. I parked the RiflemanMobile III and went inside, electing to order a couple of Spicy McChickens and an order of fries (yum…sodium).

After getting my order, I went to the condiment bar and was gathering some salt and pepper and ketchup from those annoyingly-slow pressurized ketchup dispensers when this big, burly, kind of toothless redneck guy pushed himself past me to get some salt and said “Watch out, faggot”.

“Watch out, faggot”? Huh? I don’t look particularly faggot-ish (though I guess I might be kind of bear-ish), but, really, I’m not gay. Sorry. Or maybe I’m so gay that I’ve come full circle and like women. Or something.

Maybe it was the sort-of plaid shorts I was wearing.

¹ “Here’s a little what it was like for me growing up in Atlanta… They had this ill-fated thing called ‘Light Up Atlanta’. So, I’m standing in line… I tap the guy in front of me and say, “Uh, excuse me, can you tell me if this is the line for the beer, or the line to get the tickets to get the beer.’ [long pause] ‘I dunno, faggot.’ I don’t know, faggot? What? What did I do? Was it because I was sucking his cock at the time?”