Today's column was written by guest blogger Creepy Foreign Guy
Bonjour. What is it that brings you to this place? A beautiful girl like you has no business being in such a place like this, yes? Yes. Perhaps you came for me, yes? You heard I was here, waiting for a beautiful girl like you, yes? Yes. I thought as much, yes? You're so beautiful. Your lips are like fleshy pillows, so very kissable, yes? Yes. And your breasts. They are perfect. I would like to kiss you. You would like to kiss me, yes? And then, after I kiss you, perhaps I might caress you, yes? Yes. Maybe I will then, how do you say, fondle your pastries? Yes. That would be marvelous, yes? Yes. I have sweet man-pollen for your nectar, you like? Yes? We make love all day, yes? No? What does this mean, "no"? You would not like my tasting of your sweet honey, no? You want me to leave you alone? But why? You do not want me to kiss you, like so? Eee, that hurts. Why must you kick me in the apricots? You are calling the police? But why? I only want to love you, yes? Yes.