Funniness Negates Wrongness
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
My Name is Wayne...
The Stars took on Phoenix last night, winning 3-2, so yay. But more important than winning the game, we embarassed The Great One--Wayne Gretzky, who is quickly proving that he's not that great of a coach. Case in point: Last Thursday, the Coyotes played the LA Kings. Coyote Petr Nedved was out injured, so Gretzky decided to replace him in the lineup with Fredrik Sjostrom. Unfortunately, the so-called-Great One didn't include Sjostrom's name on the official lineup card. Kings coach Andy Murray pointed out the violation in the first period to the officials, who ruled Sjostrom was ineligible to play, leaving Phoenix a man short for the rest of the game.

It's simple mistakes like that that makes one question Greatness. Also, that 1-3-0 record so far this season doesn't help. It also doesn't help that I feel like Gretzky owes me money. Why? Because of the crap-tastic chicken wings at his Toronto restaurant. You'd think that, being only a metaphorical hop, skip, jump from Buffalo--birthplace of the buffalo wing right there at the Anchor Bar on Main Street--that they could make decent wings. But they can't. Or at least not on the cool August night I was there. The other food was good, but those wings weren't all that great. I've had better wings out of a bulk bag from Costco. So, yeah, Wayne, you own me $11.95 Canadian.

So what does this mean? Okay, Wayne, you've won one game, but it was against Minnesota and they're already proving to be a bit mediocre this season. Oh sure, they beat Calgary and Florida, but that doesn't mean all that much. I think your hubris is starting to catch up with you--just because you're part-owner of the team and hold a veritable shitload of NHL records doesn't mean you can make yourself coach. In fact, if you don't start improving, I'm hoping that the other owners of the Coyotes will wake up, buy out your share, fire your ass and move the Coyotes back to Winnipeg. Because no city in the Great White North deserves to have an NHL team more than Winnipeg. And they'd get to have their old, groovy logo back:

So where does this leave Gretzky?

Out on the streets, having squandered his money and fame. Perhaps one day, I'll walk into a restaurant and hear something like "Welcome to Ruby Tuesday, my name is Wayne and I'll be your waiter..."

Dammit, Wayne, I want my money back.