SomethingSoWrong
Funniness Negates Wrongness
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Oktoberfest
This weekend we celebrated the beginning of Oktoberfest, which inexplicably begins in September. Oktoberfest is a holiday invented by the Germans for the sole purpose of drinking mass quantities of beer...much like the Irish invented Catholicism just so they could molest little boys. Or something like that.

So, how does one celebrate Oktoberfest in Dallas? You could go to Addison, pay way too much money to listen to oompah bands and drink tankards of Lowenbrau, or you can do like we did and go to the Ginger Man Pub in Uptown and drink Franziskaner Hefe Weissen, eat bratwurst and nibble on pretzels.

The Ginger Man is our favorite Dallas pub and has, for the most part, usurped good old standby Rocky's as our weekend drinking venue. Built in an old house behind the Quadrangle, it serves nearly 100 types of beer. There are also locations in Austin, Houston and New York City.

We arrived around 7:45...early enough to snag a table with a view of the entrance from which we could watch for particularly attractive women coming into the building. Unfortunately, something was apparently wrong...for as the night wore on, there wasn't the usual bevy of hot, buxom young vixens coming into the Ginger Man. Oh sure, there were plenty of hot ones, but there seemed to be a rather large contingent of beasts. Fat, pink-wearing bitches waddling into the pub in search of food and beer. Once Mike and Liz showed up, we'd resigned ourselves to the fact that that night would be unproductive, so instead we resorted to drinking more.

There were probably a few funny conversations or something in there, but I was drinking and didn't have the presence of mind to remember any of it. Or at least not enough to blog about. After calling it a night with the drinking, we elected to go to Taco Cabana on Lower Greenville...always an interesting place to go to just as the bars in the area are closing.

We weren't disappointed.

We entered Taco Cabana to find a line of club-goers and barhoppers awaiting their turn to order--not an unusual occurrence at this time of night. In line behind us were a rather normal-looking guy, another guy with a shaved head and misfortunate sideburns and a plethora of piercings. They were joined by a short-haired, freaky-looking chick covered in unbecoming tattoos. As we stood in line, she remarked on 'Shank's deep blue eyes--commenting that they were "pretty". Not all that unusual. But then she started talking about how she just wanted "non-committal, no-strings-attached sex". Someone to fuck, apparently. She tried to drum up support from 'Shank and I, saying "Am I right?" or something of the sort. I replied, "It's the American dream..." to which she inexplicably--for the moment--rejoined with "Yeah, that and Hitler".

What the fuck?

This was starting to get kind of weird. We ordered our food and quickly sought a table to sit at. As we were eating, freaky chick, normal-looking guy and misfortunate sideburn dude sat at a table near us. I gave her a looking over before saying to 'Shank, "There's why she liked your blue eyes so much--and probably appreciates your blond hair," as I indicated the swastika tattooed on the back of her leg.

After eating, we walked outside, greeted by the sight of a tow truck towing away a car whose driver had obviously ignored the warning signs stating that if you parked at Taco Cabana and went elsewhere, your car was being taken away to some poorly-secured lot in South Dallas. As we watched the tow truck operator load up the car, swastika chick came outside to smoke a cigarette.

"It's amazing how quick they come in to tow your car," stated swastika chick, "they're like roaches."

'Shank and I just kind of ignored her. For a few seconds at least. Then my mouth opened, beyond my control, and proceeded to say "Damn parking lot Nazis."

'Shank started laughing. I started laughing. Wondering if swastika chick heard me and wanting to avoid a confrontation, we quickly got into the Riflemanmobile and took off into the late-night darkness.

Afterwards, I wonder if I'd somehow offended her, by comparing high-class tow truck operators to her people, but then I remembered that the Nazis kill six million Jews, so I didn't feel so bad.