SomethingSoWrong
Funniness Negates Wrongness
Monday, September 19, 2005
I Don't Know, Faggot...
One of my co-workers came in to work this morning, having apparently reinvented himself over the weekend as a metrosexual. What the fuck is that shit? To me, metrosexuals rank right down there with emo kids and hipsters...vile scum that need to be put out of their confused misery...saving the rest of us from their utter pointlessness at existing.

Okay, so you've got perfectly manicured nails, perfect skin, coiffed hair and nice shoes....you must also have tiny genitalia to cram them into those womens' jeans you're wearing there. You know what? You're not cool...you're gay. Oh sure, you might claim to be straight and to like women and their squish-mittens, but I'm fairly certain it wouldn't take too much convincing to get you to suck cock. Right? I thought so, faggot.

And the thing about this guy is that before this weekend, he was what some might consider the epitome of masculinity...tattooed arms, a hunter...that sort of thing. He's still got the tattoos, but they clash with his "new found" lifestyle. Look, either you're one or the other...the only faggots that should have tattoos are those creepy leather-oriented biker-looking faggots that keep a can of Crisco in their saddle-bags just in case they have to fist someone. Tattoos and metrosexuality go together like logic and blind-faith. Even gay guys I know swear that metros are just extremely-closeted gay men...and I tend to trust gay guys on this sort of thing...after all, they have gaydar. And I respect uncloseted gay men a whole lot more than metros...at least they have the self-respect and the honesty to admit that they like sucking cock and taking it up the ass. Metros, on the other hand, are just ass-bandit wannabes. It's simple, if you dress like Carson Kressley, you're a faggot. And I'd respect you a whole lot more if you'd just come out and say, "Hey, I admit it...I'm queer. I like anal sex". In contrast to metros, I have absolutely no problems with gay men...at least their honest and you know up front what you're dealing with.

With metros, on the other hand, you never know when their going to jump ship and jump you.