SomethingSoWrong
Funniness Negates Wrongness
Monday, April 26, 2004
Microsoft Announces Word™ for Negroes
For immediate release

Redmond, April 26 /PRNewswire-FirstCall/ -- In an effort to reach out to historically under-educated, under-privileged African Americans, Microsoft Corp. (Nasdaq:MSFT) today announced the release of Word™ for Negroes. CEO Steve Ballmer had this to say, "Word for Negroes represents an excellent way for Microsoft to reach out to a new market--the urban negro. We see this new version of Word to be an excellent complement to their lifestyle-defining 'bling-bling'; Escalade, Courvoisier and Microsoft Word for Negroes are in a class unto themselves. Uh...fo'shizzle."

Also appearing at the product announcement were hip-hop stars Jay-Z, Nelly and Lil' Kim, who announced that they would be starring in several commercials to begin airing on BET, the WB and UPN in May promoting the new product.

Office Products Manager Mark Stevens added that Word™ for Negroes is just the first product in a planned range designed to win over African Americans. He also announced the hiring of Tyrone Washington as Special Director for Negro Platform Evangelism, who said, "Word fo' Niggaz is jus' tha beginnin'. Laterz dis year, we dun hope to release Excel fo' Niggaz, which lets you fuck wit' numbers and shit."

Special Features in Word™ for Negroes Include:

- Ebonics spellcheck
- English-to-Ebonics translator
- Gatty™, an animated gun that will guide you through using Word ™ for Negroes
- Document templates for Welfare Application, Disability Requests, Unemployment Application and Swap Meet sign.