Funniness Negates Wrongness
Thursday, June 05, 2003
I got the following in the mail yesterday--another attempt at some brown person trying to scam me.



Dear Sir,

Please help me.

I am contacting you through this medium praying to the Almighty God that
you will assist me in my hour of greatest need.

Your contact was obtained through a trade attaché from Freetown in Sierra
Leone, where I am currently in hiding with daily treat to my life and that
of my family.

My name is John Bockarie a brother to the late Sierra Leone rebel
commander Sam Bockarie who was killed on May 5th this year in Liberia by
Government forces of President Charles Taylor.

Since the indictment of my late brother for war crimes by The Special
Court for crimes against humanity committed during Sierra Leone's civil war,
my life and that of my family has been under daily treat from forces loyal
to the present regime in Sierra Leone.

We come from a family of diamond miners and although my late brother Sam
was a rebel leader and responsible for a lot of atrocities committed during
the civil war, I have never held a gun in my life.

My late brother Sam knew too much about diamond deals involving powerful
players in Sierra Leone still in power and their western collaborators and
was killed to prevent him from giving evidence in court. Several members of
my family have also been murdered for the same reason since his death.

With the awareness that the net was closing in on him, Sam, through the
assistance of a Ghanaian diplomat had deposited the sum of 18.5million US
dollars with an investment company in Europe in April of this year 2003,
naming me John Bockarie as his next of kin.

I am handicapped and require your urgent assistance to aid me in claiming
these funds for investment purposes in your country on my behalf, pending my
ability to escape out of here with my wife and kids.

As soon as I receive your response along with your personal data
indicating your willingness to assist me, your details will be forwarded to
the holding company for the transfer of the funds to you by telegraphic

Before entering into any formal discussion or agreement with you on the
above, I will have to satisfy myself that you are capable and trustworthy to
handle this matter on my behalf. I would therefore insist that you provide
me with verifiable credentials.

As soon as we establish a workable relationship, I will furnish you with
complete details of the holding company and discuss relevant modalities with
you including your remuneration for your assistance.

I hope you will not betray my trust and the high level of confidentiality
expected from you.

God's Blessings,

John Bockarie


This is what I wrote back. Let's keep our fingers crossed that I get a reply. I'll keep this blog posted if I get anything back. This might be fun.

Dear Mr. Bockarie:

I am most pleased to make your acquaintance. Please forgive any
misspellings in this communique as I am dictating it to my cabana boy
Carlos, being that I am unable to type myself, having lost both hands in a
horrendous waterskiing accident in Belgium some years ago. You'd asked for
my credentials and I am please to be able to provide a somewhat limited
background sketch of myself. I hope this suffices for your purposes, but
please feel free to request more information.

My full name is Robert Darby-o'Sheagnaussy Nimrod Smythe Smith. I was born
on February 14, 1952 in Leeds, United Kingdom. At the age of 5, I began my
education at Mrs. Miniver's Preparatory School in Herefordshire. This place
was a hothouse of buggery, but I stuck it out until graduating to Eton at
the age of 13. After Eton, I served for a period in Her Majesty's Royal Air
Force before attending Oxford, where I received several advanced degrees in
Art History and Interior Design. I emigrated to the United States in 1975
to open a gallery on Castro Street in San Francisco, but having tasted
adventure in the RAF, I knew my calling was to travel the world. Being the
beneficiary of a coal fortune worth several million pounds, I closed my
gallery and began travelling the world. My adventures took me to the
darkest parts of India, to behind the Iron Curtain and even to both Sierra
Leone and Liberia. During my travels, I helped write several articles for
both the National Geographic and for the Advocate, as well as photographing
several exotic subjects for the magazines Inches and Roughrider. In 1986, I
retired to a ranch in Texas, which I opened as a naturist colony. Using the
large amount of money still left in my sizable fortune, I fund exotic films
as well as own several nightclubs around the United States, including such
fabled places as the Manhole, the Tool Box, Spanky's and Steel.

I hope that my credentials meet your needs and I eagerly look forward to
helping you expropriate your deserved funding.


Robert Smith