Funniness Negates Wrongness
Wednesday, June 18, 2003
I got another one of these Nigerian emails, which I've posted below. This one strikes me as a bit bolder than the previous one, as it comes right out and asks for my banking information, instead of trying to build a "relationship first". My notes are in bold.

From: Dr. Uba Jega. Wasn't Jega that game with the wooden blocks? And isn't Uba one a brass or woodwind instrument?

Satellite Tel: 874-762-918-985. I didn't try to call these. Everyone knows that the Nigerians don't have a space program, and thus no satellites
Satellite Fax: 874-762-918-986.

Attn:President/C.e.o. I wish!

Strictly Confidential & Urgent Business Proposal.

Re: Transfer Of Usd $21,500.000{Twenty - One Million, Five Hundred Thousand Us Dollars Only.

I am a member of the Federal Government Of Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation (N.N.P.C). You can visit their crappy website here
Sometime ago, a contract was awarded to a foreign firm in the Petroleum Trust Fund (P.T.F.) BY MY COMMITTEE. No need to yell!

This contract was over invoiced to the tune of us$ 21.5Million Dollars. This was done delibrately. The over - invoicing was a deal by my committee to benefit from the project. Is this NNPC or Enron?

We not want to transfer this money, which is in a suspense account with the P.T.F. into any oversea account, which we expect you to provide for us. What's going on with this sentence? "We not"? "Suspense account"? You can't even write English and you expect me to provide an account for you? Are you out of your mind?


60 % of the money would be for my partners and I.
30 % of the money would be yours, for providing us with logistics, which, would include a safe bank account, where we shall facilitate funds transfer into, as soon as documentations are concluded over here.
10 % of the money has been mapped out from the total sum to cover any expenses that might be incurred during the course of the transaction, (both local and international expenses).

If interested in assisting us, please contact me via my secured email address, as soon as possible ( or my secured satellite tel/fax number, specially procured for this project.
Caramail - Official Email Provider to Africans Trying To Rip Off Americans. My previous email from a John Bockarie, outlined in an earlier blog, also used this email provider, which is a division of Lycos.
It may interest you to know that a similar transaction was carried out with one Mr. Patrice Miller, President of Crane International Trading Corp., I looked on the web and called 411 for NYC and couldn'tm find a trace of this company of 153 East 57th St., 28th floor, N.Y.10022, Telephone: 212-308-7788 This number was disconnected when I tried to call and Telex: 6731689. The deal was concluded and all covering documents, forwarded to Mr. Miller to authenticate the claims. Once the funds were transferred, Mr. Miller presented to his bank, all the legal documents and remitted the whole funds to another bank account, and disappeared completely.. My colleagues and I were shattered, since such opportunities are not easy to come by. Disappeared completely? Maybe because he never existed. Besides, what kind of name is Patrice? A gay European name, that's what. Fag.

Please, if you are interested in assisting us carry out to the fullest capacity, this transaction, we would require the following information from you which would enable us make formal application to the various ministries / parastatals, WTF is a parastatal? Some kind of worm or insect that lives off of your body? Or is it related to a parasail? I think it's Swahili for nonsense for the release and onward transfer of the money to your account.

1.Your Full Name, Company's Name, Address, Telephone and Fax Numbers.
2.Your Bank Name, Address. Telephone and Fax Number.
3.Your Bank Account Number and Beneficiary Name - You must be the signatory.

Please, note that we have strong and reliable connections at the Central Bank Of Nigeria and other Government Parastatals, hence assistance in this regards, would not be a problem.
At the conclusion of this transaction, we shall use same contacts to withdraw all documents used in the course of this, to avoid any trace whatsoever that may ever arise, to you or to us, now and in the nearest possible future.

It might also interest you to know that we are mere civil servants who do not want to miss this opportunity, hence, we want this money transferred out, as soon as possible, before the newly democratically elected government ever think of making enquiries as regards the various activities of the past military government.
More poorly-constructed sentences...blah...blah...blah

Kindly contact me as soon as possible, whether or not you are interested in this deal, so that whereby you are not interested, it would give us more room to scout for another partner. But if you are interested, kindly contact me via above email, telephone or fax, so that we can swing into action, as time is not on our part.

I wait in anticipation of your fullest co-operation.
Yours Faithfully,

Dr. Uba Jega. Or maybe he's a Jedi Knight

One has to think that there is billions of dollars floating around sub-Saharan Africa, judging by the numbers of emails I get begging me to help get it out of various countries. I seriously doubt there's that much money. Have you seen how these people live? They let flies gather around them. Ugh. And have you ever noticed how close "Nigeria" is to "Nigger-ia"? They need to change the name of their country--it's not helping their case.

So, should I write back?