Funniness Negates Wrongness
Wednesday, May 07, 2003
Every now and then an invention comes along that makes you step back and marvel at the genius of mankind. Today was not one of those days. Unfortunately, there are also those days when you see a new invention and wonder what kind of idiot dreamed it up, and what kind of retard would waste money on it. Today was definitely one of those days.

Thirty minutes before my lunch break, pressing matters (of the non-fecal kind) arose and I was forced to take an abbreviated lunch. As our typical lunch is only 45 minutes, this made for a shitty (again, non-fecal) situation. So I decide to visit the local (read: ghetto) Sonic, as it is close and I wouldn’t have to get out of my car. While partaking of my semi-delicious, breaded (read: fried or unhealthy) chicken sandwich, wavy lines began to shoot out of my head. You might think this is abnormal, but I quickly recognized it as my whitey-sense. I turn and spot a black truck with 20 inch rims and tinted windows rolling in. With super-human quickness, several stereotypes are formulated in my head; whitey-sense never fails.

Now, for a little background, I think 20 inch rims are pretty stupid as they make any vehicle look like a chuckwagon. I usually wonder if the drivers of these cars long for the days of the mid 1800’s, when “driver” meant “that large white guy over there with the whip”. The driver of this particular wagon made their rims even crappier (again, non-fecal). The hub caps that had an extra rim outside the actual rim that spun independent of the wheel. I pondered the point of this. Was it so that the car looked like it was moving even when it was stopped? Or perhaps to make it look like it was going faster down the road when it is actually creeping along at 40 mph in the fast lane. Or maybe some type of evolution, like the male peacock’s tail, so it can more easily attract the opposite sex. “Hey baby, my wheels turn even when the car is off, now lets go get a bigger welfare check.”

After deciding that trying to understand stupid people is a futile undertaking, I finished my meal and returned to work where I took care of the aforementioned pressing matters (again, non-fecal) then took care of some pressing matters of my own (very fecal).