SomethingSoWrong
Funniness Negates Wrongness
Sunday, April 13, 2003
Open Your Eyes
Last Monday I started to lose my voice and was having coughing fits like a forty year smoker. One thing you should know is that I have this complex where I am always thinking that I suffer from hypochondria. So I log onto to WebMD and try a little self diagnosis. The first thing that I think is that I have a bit of the ol’ SARS, so I look at the symptoms: scratchy throat, loss of voice, hacking cough, 104 fever. Hmmm, three of four ain’t good. I decide I am being paranoid after looking in the mirror and realizing that I am not Chinese.

I knew I wouldn’t be doing much this weekend on account of my illness, so after work on Friday I stopped by Best Buy to pick a DVD or two to watch. As I am checking out I listen to a lady behind me talk to somebody on her cell phone. First of all I hate it when people talk loudly on their phones in public. Second of all, this lady isn’t bad looking and dressed like she wants to be looked at. She proceeds to (loudly) give the person on the phone and everybody in the store directions to her house. I decide she’s either an idiot or has some kind of fetish where she likes to be raped and left for dead in a dumpster. I start to look around to see if anybody else is coming to this same conclusion. I realize that the three middle aged men in front of me and the guy behind me are buying the new Harry Potter movie. I begin to mock them quietly to myself with jokes that Rifleman would approve of. Then I look down at the movie in my hand, Harry Potter, damn! I justified my decision to myself, as I also had “Abre los Ojos” in my hand. After watching Amenabar’s masterpiece, I have to say that I lost some respect for Cameron Crowe. He basically added an English dub, a better soundtrack and Tom Cruise shouting, “Tech Support!” to make “Vanilla Sky.”

“Abre los Ojos” also had great acting, something severely lacking from “Harry Potter.” Daniel Radcliff isn’t all that bad, but the pubescent voice of Rupert Grint makes me want to bludgeon myself and Emma Watson is probably the reason why Richard Harris is dead. You’d think Kenneth Branagh would have taught them something while on the set. He’s a first class actor, have you seen his Hamlet?