SomethingSoWrong
Funniness Negates Wrongness
Wednesday, April 09, 2003
Making Up For Lost Time
The other night I was relaxing in front of my good friend the television, watching the final game of the NCAA basketball tournament. The phone rang and I answered. It was my uncle Al and in a wave of breathless hysteria, he told me that he witnessed his first UFO sighting. I quickly handed the phone of to my father, because the game was more interesting. It got me to thinking thoughÖ have I had any experiences with UFOs or aliens in general?

No, I havenít. Unless you count the aliens of the illegal variety that I worked with years back in a lawn care crew. OK, so no space men, but I have had some more common experiences with unexplained phenomena. Like Aquafresh, how do they get those colored stripes in there? Or Funyuns, how can you make such a disgusting concept taste so delicious? These are just a few questions that many of us ask ourselves everyday. Including the mother of all that is unexplained: How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Toostie Pop? The world may never know.

OK, so once I lost several hours of my life. The first thing I thought was that aliens abducted me and had their way with me using their probes. Then I realized that I had just fallen asleep during a marathon of Antiques Roadshow on PBS. That show is awesome, just make sure you donít have anything important to do on those Sundays that they run it for like 12 hours in a row, because you arenít going to be able to get anything done. Itís a black hole, it sucks you in and doesnít let you go.

"and i want to be happy
and i only want you
if you think that i'm crazy
i'm just crazy 'bout you
crazy 'bout you"
-Whiskeytown
"Crazy About You"