Funniness Negates Wrongness
Wednesday, April 02, 2003
Iceland FAQ
Wednesday. Hump day. Half way through the damn work week. Tonight, I'll be attending a performance of the Icelandic hippie peacenik band Sigur Ros. I'm not a huge fan, but the opportunity to see a bunch of Icelanders on stage isn't one to be passed up. I mentioned that I would be seeing an Icelandic band to a co-worker and he had many questions about Sigur Ros and Iceland in general, so I took it upon myself to compile a short FAQ.

Q: Where is Iceland?

A: Iceland is located in the North Atlantic Ocean, midway between the aptly-named, recently discovered Newfoundland and England, home of the Engs. It is near Fireland, Earthland and Windland.

Q: What are the people of Iceland like?

A: The peoples of Iceland, having been cut off from the rest of the world for thousands of years, have evolved many traits. The most interesting trait that the Icelanders display is the fact they are made of ice. Because of this, they are forced to wear special "cold suits" when venturing forth from their homeland. Their chief language is Icelandic, which is characterized by a preponderance of consonants, umlauts and multi-syllabic words.

Q: What are some of the major cities in Iceland?

A: Reykjavik and, well...uh...Reykjavik. There aren't any other cities, despite rumors to the contrary.

Q: What are some of the chief exports of Iceland?

A: Like Canada, Iceland is one of the world's largest suppliers of ice. Over 90% of North America's ice is harvested in the Icelandic ice mines. After harvesting it, it is loaded onto large refrigerated roll-on/roll-off container ships, which transport it to American ports such as New York, Houston and Los Angeles, where it is loaded onto trucks and trains to distribute to cities all over the nation. Late at night, gnomes employed by the ice companies sneak into our homes and refill our ice makers and ice trays.

Q: Are there any other Icelands in the world?

A: Disney World in Orlando, Florida features an Iceland near Tomorrowland. It features rides such as Mr. Yeti's Wild Ride and The Luge.

Q: What is Sigur Ros' music like?

A: It is atmospheric, much like the more mainstream bands Slantnipple and The Teething Hermaphrodites.

Q: What does Sigur Ros mean?

A: Loosely translated, it means "Pretentious Music".

Q: Where can I hear Sigur Ros?

A: Besides at the Grenada Theatre tonight, you can hear some of their music in Cameron Crowe's pretentious film "Vanilla Sky", starring Scientologist mouthpieces Tom Cruise and Jason Lee.

Q: Does Sigur Ros sing in English or Icelandic?
A: Neither. Instead they sing in a pretentious made-up language called Hopelandic. Hopelandic is the main language of the pretentious made-up country Hopeland.

So there you have it, a look at Iceland and Sigur Ros.