SomethingSoWrong
Funniness Negates Wrongness
Friday, April 11, 2003
Coldplay
After months of delay, I finally picked up Coldplay’s newest album, “A Rush of Blood to the Head”. I’ve always liked their music, but for some odd reason I never picked up this album. It may have something to do with my music piracy. Arrrr. So, I open up the ridiculously hard to open CD packaging and flip through the liner notes, hoping for lyrics. Alas, no lyrics, but I was treated to an essay by the band that I will partially quote here:

“For countries to develop or even survive they need to be able to trade fairly. At the moment poorer countries are strangled by ridiculous international trade laws and ruthless western businesses, keeping millions trapped in poverty and widening the gap between rich and poor.”

Well Mr. Coldplay, I hope that you realize that the record company you are signed to is most likely a “ruthless western business”. And I wonder how much you are doing to shrink the gap between the rich and the poor. Probably nothing, because Bono seems to be the official ambassador from the music industry to the less fortunate.

The essay goes on to discuss fair trade and then lists a bunch of URLs for organizations like Amnesty International and Green Peace. Its reading this propaganda that artists put in their liner notes rather than something that the fans might care about, like lyrics, that makes me want to become a world famous musician. I want my own liner notes filled with my own little essays. Of course I have no musical ability, so that probably won’t ever happen. But I’ll go ahead and write the liner notes here.

Artist: The Minotaur’s Maze
Album: Out of the Labyrinth and Into Your Heart
Liner Notes

Most thanks to the following: Red Foxxx, Rifleman, Custardstyle, Flux Minor, God, My family… without y’all none of this would be possible. Thanks to my literary influences: God bless you Mr. Vonnegut, Herman Melville, Tom Robbins, Dave Eggers and the whole McSweeney’s crew. Special thanks to Jack Daniels and Newcastle Brown Ale.

A special message from Minotaur: The world is full of people that wish to push their opinion on you. I am one of those people. Go out into the world and better yourself, no matter what the cost. Participate in a free market. If you want to buy something, don’t worry about how many indigenous tribes you might be killing off, just buy it. If you are going to complain about the destruction of the rainforests, don’t use anything made of wood. If you don’t like pollution, don’t ride in cars. Eat meat and lots of it. God put those animals here for a reason. Cows aren’t here to look cute for Christ’s sake. Thanks for listening and making me richer. If you ever run into me, let’s share a drink. You buy.
Peace out.